At the end, this is still the same "amazing" book I read 20 years ago. A reread after 20 years is an incredible journey. After all, when I can re-quote some of the nice quotes below, it clearly showed that this book is still applicable after years. Further to that, although the said 7 habits were practiced over the years, the revision on this book did trigger some new ideas on me particularly as well as my interdependent relationship.
Relatively, "Atomic Habits" do not have this sort of attraction. Well, credit must be given to the author of 7 habits. "Atomic Habits" may not be that bad. Perhaps, the presenting styles and the practical part is not as good as 7 habits.
Out of 10, I have no reason to revise my full rating 20 years ago. This book is still one of my bibles in life and amazingly, it is still perfectly good to maintain all the 7 habits for the rest of my life. Thumbs up and thumbs up to the late Stephen R. Covey!
My experience has been that there are times to teach and times not to teach. When relationship are strained and the air charged with emotions, an attempt to teach is often perceived as a form of judgment and rejection.
A sense of possessing needs to come before a sense of genuine sharing.
Knowledge is the theoretical paradigm. Skill is the how to do and desire is the motivation. In order to make something a habit, we have to have all three.
Effectiveness lies in the balance. Excessive focus on P results in ruined health, worn-out machines, depleted bank accounts and broken relationship. Too much focus on PC is like a person who runs 3/4 hours a day, bragging about the extra 10 years of life it creates, unaware he's spending them running.
There are 3 social maps: Genetic determinism, Psychic determination, Environmental determination to explain the nature of man.
Look at the word responsibility - "response-ability" - the ability to choose your response. Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility.
Proactive people are still influenced by external stimuli. But, their response to the stimuli is a value-based choice or response. It is our willing permission, our consent to what happens to us, that hurts us far more than what happens to us in the first place. It's not what happen to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us.
It is our willingness permission, our consent to what happens to us, that hurts us far more than what happens to us in the first place.
In the great literature of all progressive societies, love is a verb. Reactive people make it a feeling.
Proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase. Reactive people on the other hand, focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern.
Whether a problem is direct, indirect, or no control, we have in our hands to the first step to the solution. Changing our habits, changing our methods of influence and changing the way we see our no control problems are within our Circle of Influence.
Habit 1 says "You are the programmer." Habit 2, then, says "Write the program." Until your accept the idea that you are responsible, that you are the programmer, you won't really invest in writing the program.
Almost all of the world class athletes and other peak performers are visualizers. They see it; the fell it; they experience it before they actually do it. They begin with the end in mind.
Before a performance, a sales presentation, a difficult confrontation, or the daily challenge of meeting a goal, see it clearly, vividly, relentlessly, over and over again. Create an internal "comfort zone." Then, when you get into the situation, it isn't foreign. It doesn't scare you.
My maxim of personal effectiveness: Manage from the left; lead from the right.
The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities. And this can be done in the context of the week.
The focus in steward delegation is on effectiveness, not efficiency. Certainly you can do it better by yourself, but the key is to empower someone else to do it. It takes time. You have to get involved in the training and development. It takes time, but how valuable that time is downstream! It saves you so much in long run.
The steward relatively compares to gofer focused on results instead of methods. The steward becomes his own boss, governed by a conscience that contains the commitment to agreed upon desired results. But it also releases his creative energies to achieve those desired results.
Real self-respect comes from dominion over self, from true independence. And that's the focus of Habits 1,2,3. Independence is an achievement. Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make. Unless we are willing to achieve real independence, it's foolish to try to develop human relations skills.
I suggest that in an interdependent situation, every P problem is a PC opportunity - a chance to build the Emotional Bank Accounts that significantly affect interdependent production.
Seek first to understand involves a very deep shift in paradigm. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply. They're filtering everything through their own paradigms.
As long as the response it logical, can effectively ask questions and give counsel. But the moment the response becomes emotional, one needs to go back to emphatic listening.
The more proactive you are (Habit 1), the more effectively you can exercise personal leadership (Habit 2) and management (Habit 3) in your life. The more effectively you manage your life (Habit 3), the more Quadrant II renewing activities you can do (Habit 7). The more you seek first to understand (Habit 5), the more effectively you can go for synergetic Win/Win situation (Habits 4 & 6). The more you improve in any of the habits that lead to independence (Habits 1,2,3), the more effective you will be in interdependent situations (Habits 4,5,6). And renewal (Habit 7) is the process of renewing all the habits.
There is a gap or space between stimulus and response, and that they key to both our growth and happiness is how we use that space.
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